Unfortunately we all know at least one person who has been seduced by the allure of drugs. Sometimes it is a friend, often it is a family member. I wrote the book I needed to read when our son developed a love affair with marijuana. I needed hope, and I needed to know I was not alone.

The following excerpts are from the book which will be released by AMG Publishers in early winter 2006. The book chronicles a sixteen month period of time during which time our son was court ordered out of our home to participate in a therapeutic wilderness program and ultimately returned home and then went on to begin his freshman year in college.

The book contains twelve chapters which each contain a narrative, chronicling an event during those sixteen months, followed by four devotional entries.

Following is the Introduction and an excerpt from Chapter Two.

INTRODUCTION

I would rather go through life with a minimum of sadness and heartache. But God has created me with the ability to feel a full range of emotions and, by virtue of the fact that I am human, pain and suffering will inevitably be part of my life.

So the question then becomes, what will I make of my experiences that have left me bruised and scarred? I do have a choice about how to deal with the wounds. I can harbor pain and allow bitterness to erode away my soul and relationships or I can use our experiences of heartache and sorrow to turn my misery into ministry.

When I experience sorrow and heartache first hand it equips me to comfort others who share in similar situations in a way that only one who knows the hurt can. My guidance for this perspective is Biblical: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" (2 Cor. 1:3-4).

I can empathize with parents who are experiencing the pain of their son or daughter's errant choices or substance abuse. I can say, "I know what you're going through" and speak those words with certainty. I can also speak with certainty about the comfort I have felt from God, who has given me the strength to survive.

Hope is critical. When I felt hopeless I slipped into a dark abyss of despair where I found it impossible to gain a foothold to try to crawl out. I was stuck. Stuck with myself and my depressed, hopeless thinking I was stuck with images of a shattered future for my son, stuck in ineffective circular communication with those around me. I was stuck in a state of inertia that at times left me questioning where God was. I needed hope and didn't know where to turn.

I knew I needed to stay in God's Word but sometimes it wasn't what I needed at that instant. Sometimes what I needed was to talk with someone who could feel my pain because they had experienced that same pain themselves. I knew Matt's counselors and our educational consultant were available, but sometimes I needed more than they could offer. I needed to speak to another mom. I needed to be reassured I wasn't alone and I wasn't going crazy. There had to be other people out there who felt the same way I did. I scanned the bookshelves for a bedside companion that would describe what I was going through. I found none. I vowed that when I crawled out of the pit of despair I found myself in I would search for ways to offer hope to other families. Without hope it becomes difficult to face the day.

Matt's letters from Utah gave me real and sustainable hope. Here were words, written by my son that gave me a sense of hope. I wanted to share his words; I wanted to share our experience. I can say with conviction it was during Matt's time at Second Nature, a Therapeutic Wilderness Program in Utah, that I first felt the real and certain hope that the hurdle of substance abuse and the tangled mess of lies, manipulation and my enabling behavior could be overcome.

I chose to turn the misery I felt into ministry. I am a parent resource for the therapeutic wilderness treatment program my son attended. I feel there is a need for parents who are willing to listen and share. This is especially true if I have difficulty opening up and exposing hurts and vulnerabilities.

I believe that parents should be able to approach their church families for healing and a restoration of hope, but I know that (unfortunately) it is not always possible. Sometimes those we seek healing from end up adding more hurts. I am tired of being judged and as a result isolate myself rather than risk being exposed to more guilt-inducing conversations. The availability of someone who has experienced the same hurt is invaluable. You are not alone.

When I reach outside of myself it shifts the focus away from my hurt and frustrations and towards the goal of extending a helping hand to others.

The Tapestry of My Life is Unraveling

"I started to cry when I read the part I wrote about all the damage I have done to my relationship with you. I felt so sad. I also cried when I read about my relationship with dad. We don't even really have a relationship and I don't even know why…I can't imagine the pain you felt just sitting back and watching it (the changes in me) happen helplessly. I broke down and started sobbing just now as I'm writing this letter because of the way I feel when I think of the pain and suffering I caused you."

—Matt, Summer 2002

I was adept at putting up a good front. "How are you?" someone would ask. "Fine," I replied. "You look well," another would say. Closer to the truth my reply was, "It's an illusion." I may manage to look like I have it together but like a woven tapestry the underside isn't neat.

My life was full of loose ends and I was afraid one of those ends was going to get snagged and the tapestry of my life would unravel. Underneath the visible layer were shreds and snippets of confusion, hurt and anger.

I am not really fine when friends ask how I'm doing. I am confused and verging on the edge of hysteria. But most of the people who ask don't really want to know and most don't really need to know. If I do open up and my emotions begin to unravel, they usually don't know how to respond. I am tired of being pitied. I am tired of hearing the sounds of nervous laughter. I am tired of being judged. I am just plain tired.

I am afraid if I start to cry I won't be able to stop and the tears will turn into choked-back sobs. I am devastated by broken relationships. God, please help me tuck in the loose ends so my life doesn't unravel.

In my exhaustion my appearance of being fine is an illusion.

There are friends who understand and try to help me tuck in the loose ends. A kind word, a hug and a prayer all start to weave those ends into place.

Holy Scripture

The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. — 1 Samuel 16:7

Observation

Don't assume that just because someone looks like they've got it all together means they do. They could be hurting and in desperate need of compassion.

Prayer

God, help me weave the loose ends of my life together to form the fabric of lasting and loving relationships. Amen.

Encouragement

In time maybe the fabric of my life will be marked "reversible."